The Chic & Un-Chic for 2010

A new decade is upon us!  Let's stop to recognize the Chic vs. the Un-chic for 2010.

 

               CHIC                                                                                                  UN-CHIC

Handbags as accessories...............................................Little dogs as accessories (Sorry, Paris!)

Photo of Paris Hilton courtesy of www.PopOnThePop.com

Lady Gaga.....................................................................Britney Spears

Photo of Lady Gaga courtesy of www.Bellapetite.com

Black coffee.............................................................Skinny latte with Splenda

Shirtdress................................................................Coatdress

Sex...........................................................................Drugs

Leather.....................................................................PVC

Open-toe booties......................................................Crocs

Manolo Blahnik peep toes courtesy of www.Style.com

 Timeless design..........................................................Disposable fashion

                                                Nerds..........................................................................Players

                                                Lingerie.......................................................................Underpants

 Cutting sugar................................................Cutting carbs

         Nude tones....................................................Neon tones

         Discreet Luxury.............................................Logos

         Target............................................................Walmart

         Smiling............................................................Pouting

Photo of Audrey Hepburn courtesy of www.SparklesAndCrumbs.blogspot.com

The Archetypes

Agyness Deyn shopping in Soho, photo courtesy of www.Zimbio.com

You steel yourself and walk into an uber-famous designer behemoth on 57th and Fifth Avenue.  The sales people stare at you haughtily, and after about a minute, one says, "Hello, what brings you to <insert fancy designer name here> today?"  Don't be intimidated!  If the sales people aren't immediately kissing your butt upon entrance to their fancy-schmancy store, then something is terribly wrong.  They are thirsty for business, trust me.  And competition is fierce.  I have insider knowledge about many of these luxury retailers, and I can tell you first hand that they are aching and straining and chomping at the bit for a sale.  Which begs the question, how does an Everyday Glamour Chick, (E.G.C.), make sure she's not being taken for all she's got? 

Budding E.G.C.s, if you're in the market for a little designer something, (or a lot), read on.  I'm going to educate you about the 8 Salesperson Archetypes.  Learning to recognize these archetypes will help you tremendously when navigating the treterous waters of luxury fashion.  I didn't invent these archetypes, Carl Jung did.  But I'm putting my own New York fashion-y spin on it.  I just hope Old Carl isn't rolling over in his grave right now.

Disclaimer:  If you are a Sales Associate on Madison Avenue and you think I'm writing all about you, think again!  These are merely archetypes, ok?  They are general personality traits held by hundreds of other luxury Sales Associates all over Manhattan.  So don't get your panties all in a twist over it.

The 8 Salesperson Archetypes:

1.  Jim Sales Associate, (AKA The Child)

Jim is a round faced, slightly chubby salesman who always tells you the truth about how you look in whatever you're trying on.  If you look ugly in that dress you're trying on, then he says so and tells you to take it off.  Sometimes bitchy, but deep down he has a heart of gold.  He takes frequent long breaks to the lunch room or outside to smoke.  You'd think he would never be able to make a sale because of his abscence on the sales floor, but actually when he is working, he's very productive.  This is why he can continually hide his Raspberry Snapple in the stock room without getting in trouble.  On his days off  he gets drunk and belts out show tunes with his gorgeous boyfriend.  Lesson:  Jim Associate will never pressure you into a purchase, and he is honest about what looks good on you.  He has good taste, if not a little showey.

2.  Sally Sales Associate, (AKA, The Heroine)

Sally is a doll-faced petite who is good, kind, polite, and civilized.  Her fellow co-workers all know exactly how to steal sales from her.  Her high morals prevent her from stealing sales back, and anyway she wouldn't know how even if she wanted to.  She is easily overshadowed by the more aggressive Sales Associates on the sales floor.  You will hardly notice her frail existence.  She'll greet you and then you'll figure she was "just a greeter" and quickly forget about her.  Left on her own, you may find her softly sobbing in the back of the store.  She has fabulous taste.  Lesson:  Pay more attention to Sally, she is smart and honest.  But don't be surprised when she's not there next time you visit.  She's about to get canned.

Jennifer Lopez shopping on Robertson Boulevard, photo courtesy of www.Zimbio.com

3.  Ashley Sales Associate, (AKA, The Mother)

Ashley is a rotund, middle-aged Sales Associate.  She wears coke-bottle glasses.  She can determine your exact bra size just by looking at your chest.  When you're trying on pants, she will not hesitate to tell you very loudly, so that everyone can hear, that "the crotch is too high, you need a different cut dear!"  She has cute little sayings like, "Okey Dokey Smokey!!"  She is the first to express to you, "OOOO, you have a nice shape, sweetie!"  Lesson:  Go to Ashley if you want a bra fitting.  Otherwise, her taste is too matronly.

4.  Juan Carlos Sales Associate, (AKA, The Sage)

Juan Carlos is swarthy and handsome.  He has a sexy low voice and a Brazilian accent.  He is the straightest gay man that you will ever meet.  He treats you like the goddess that you are.  If you make a negative comment about how your hips don't fit this season's frock, he will frown in dismay because you are breaking his goddess image of you.  Juan Carlos is full of sage advise about love and fashion.  Lesson:  Juan Carlos's phone number and email address need to be programmed into your Crackberry.   A couple seasons visiting Juan Carlos, and you'll have a new love life and a fab new job.  He's that good.

5.  Beatrice Sales Associate, (AKA, The Trickster)

Beatrice has a red bob that curls under.  Her nails are bitten down to a nub.  You'll find her nervously pacing the floor.  If you can't find her on the sales floor, then that means she's surely in the Store Manager's office, "shooting the breeze".  She's chummy with the Store Manager, who calls her "little mouse".  Beatrice tells you that there is "only one left, and they're selling fast" when really they are overstocked and the piece you are looking at is so ugly that even Ashley Sales Associate, (AKA, The Mother) thinks it's bad.  Beatrice also tends to think everything you touch is "beautiful"  and she likes to tell you that, "oh, I own that piece and I love it!!"  Lesson:  Avoid Beatrice!  She's a liar.  Either that or she has very, very bad taste.

Jennifer Lopez shopping at Barneys New York, photo courtesy of www.Zimbio.com

6.  Giuseppe Sales Associate, (AKA, The Devil)

Giuseppe is lean, mean, and handsome.  He will charm you with his adorable Italian accent.  He will tell you he is the "Personal Shopping Specialist" and will escort you around the entire store, all the while telling you cute stories about the little village where he is from.  You will not mind, even though you really don't understand a word that he is saying.  Somehow he will mesmerize you with his charms and you will walk out of the store with ungodly amounts of designer apparel.  He is all charm with you, the customer, but when you're not looking he's the nastiest, ugliest, greediest, most vile creature his fellow co-workers have ever known.  He frequently snatches sales away from his coworkers and justifies his actions loudly yet incoherently.  When he gets mad, which is often, he literally foams at the mouth.  The truth is that he spent two years in the Italian army.  He had a beard and wild eyes.  Lesson:  If you are being helped by Sally Sales Associate, (AKA The Heroine), and Giuseppe continues with you, then you are on the wrong track.  You are about to be taken for all the money your credit card can handle.

7.  Svetlana Sales Associate, (AKA, The Scarecrow)

Svetlana looks like a supermodel.  She's from Russia.  She is very haughty and never, ever smiles, unless you are a Rockefeller or a Hilton.  If you are a Rockafeller or a Hilton, then she will give you a half-smile.  She thinks she's better than you.  If you ask her a question, she may not deign a response--it depends on her mood.  Svetlana has a very rich boyfriend who takes her for caviar and vodka at Petrossian every evening before taking her home and ravaging her.  Lesson:  Avoid Svetlana.  She's mean.

8.  James Sales Associate, (AKA, The Mentor)

James Sales Associate is tall and handsome with silver hair.  He is about to retire next year.  He is a rarity, as the Mentor archetypes are dying out.  He always sends you the lovliest thank you notes.  He never forgets your birthday, anniversary, or your children's birthdays.  He calls you once every 6 months just to see how your daughter is doing in school or how you're liking your new job.  When you visit the store, he always has a big smile for you and remembers your name immediately.  He also remembers everything you bought in the past and knows your style, but will push your style sensibilities just enough that you always feel you're getting the newest and the latest.  Lesson:  James is a gem.  Always visit James if you want enduring classic style.

I choose Juan Carlos.  Who do you choose?

Bottoms Up!

It's mid-December and you know what that means...holiday shopping for loved ones!!  Do you love yourself?  Fashion math dictates that for every gift bought for another, two gifts for oneself must inevitably follow.  I'm onto you.  AWWWWW, don't feel guilty in the least about this!  When it comes to fashion and style, there is nothing wrong with a little self-love.  Shopping for new clothes is easier than a visit to the shrink, and the confidence boost that follows is completely Prozac-free.

Helmut Newton photograph courtesy of Alex-barnes.com/newton

The holidays always seem to amplify our need for re-invention.  Maybe it's that idealist notion of the New Year's resolution that gets us.  Whatever the trigger, we know that the human psyche craves both novelty and the promise of new hope for a better tommorrow.  Fashion provides both.  Plus, dressing fierce is just as life-enhancing for the people around you as it is for yourself.  Just ask your man.

Ok, but what if you ask your man and he says, "Are you kidding me?  You have enough clothes, why would you need more?!"  And what if your bank balance is dwindling.  "But the sales right now are amazing!", you protest.

Everyday Glamour Chicks, (E.G.C.'s), know that less is more but also understand that the continual need for reinvention is not only healthy, it's necessary.  How do E.G.C.'s reconcile these two seemingly opposing ideas?  How can they have less clothes but at the same time indulge in a little retail therapy from time to time? 

Because they know exactly what they want and they practice the Bottoms-Up Shopping Method.  Here come the steps:

Step 1:

No E.G.C. would ever dream of hitting the stores without getting crystal-clear about what she would like to add to her wardrobe.  And when I say crystal-clear I mean precise, unequivocal, exact, you got me??  The reason for this clarity of purpose is because E.G.C.'s know that once out there in la-la shopping land, temptation will follow.  Oh yes.  Here is an old scripture from Bhagavad-Gita II:70 to contemplate before shopping:

A person who is not disturbed by the incessant flow of desires--that enter like rivers into the ocean, which is ever being filled but is always still--can alone achieve peace, and not the man who strives to satisfy such desires.

Well, it beats contemplating your navel, anyway.  I think this quote is pretty wise except that there is nothing wrong with striving to satisfy your desire for re-invention, as long as you're clever about it.

Step 2:

Whatever on your shopping list, start looking for the least expensive versions first.  If not completely and unequivocally satisfied with the inexpensive offerings, then move on to a little more expensive store.  Keep moving up the price ladder until completely giddy with satisfaction with your fashion choice.  You start from the bottom in terms of price point and you work your way up--Bottoms Up, get it? 

For example, if you are looking for a pair of jeans, start with Old Navy.  Not happy with the way the Old Navy's are depicting your behind?  Move on to Banana Republic.  Still not happy?  Go ahead, go on to Saks and get that $200 pair of J Brands that show off all those lunges you've been doing.

Step 3:

Never forget that less is more.  Better to have a few really nice clothes that last than a bunch of junk that doesn't make you look like a million bucks.  And also...never forget that Old Navy might suprise you.  Who knows?  You could find the perfect jeans and save a couple bucks in the process.

Happy Holidays and Bottoms Up!!

 

Say, "Money!"

Photo of Sophia Loren & Jayne Mansfield courtesy of J!ENT.com

The holidays are upon us.  Yipee!!  Time to shimmey into that  party frock of yours and let the champagne flow!  Oh, and try not to get blinded by the flash of 5 simulatuous cameras while you're at it. 

Everyday Glamour Chicks, (E.G.C.'s), never forget that the Holidays are just one big photo op.  And that there are handy tricks that can ensure that the pictures are nothing but goddess-worthy. 

Here are the goddess tips:

1.  Remember that angles are your friend.  Twist your hips around to the side.  Put one hand on a hip if you're game.  Can't swivel your body?  Swivel your head to the side and flash your pearly whites.  Warning:  Do not place your hands in the "fig-leaf" position.  You'll look like the cat who ate the mouse.

2.  Wear simple clothes.  Simple is fabulous, especially on camera.  Don't believe me?  Take a look at last year's pictures and you'll notice that those wearing the simplest of frocks look loads better than the elaborate dressers.

3.  Keep your hair natural.  Lose the Elnett, please!  The camera has no mercy for pagent hair.  Stop worrying about having every hair in it's place, let it fall where it may!  If you insist on visiting the hair salon, though, opt for subtle highlights.  Subtle highlights work miracles.

4.  Wear some makeup--not too much, now!  A smidge will do.  Emphasize the eyes.  If you smudge your eyeliner with Laura Mercier's smudge brush, you'll be thanking me later.  Harsh lines begone!  And put on some lip gloss.

5.  Remember:  Tipsy, never drunk.  I wish I came up with this one, but I didn't.  A sage and very chic friend of mine did.  Drunk is never chic.  Especially in pictures.

6.  And relax.  This is easier said than done.  Take a deep breath, and when it's time to smile, don't say, "Cheese!"  That's lame.  Say, "Money!" with gusto.  If that doesn't give you the most radiant smile this side of New York City, then congratulations, you're a saint.

Now, it's time for your close-up!  Say, "MONEY!!"

Thanksgiving Dressing Recipe

Photo courtesy of www.lagarconne.com

This Thanksgiving, will you be attending one of those fancy-schmancy parties, or will you be lounging at home with family?  My guess is the latter.  And I'll bet that for many of you, one of those long post-dinner naps may also be on the agenda.  So it really doesn't matter how you dress.  After all, you'll be with family.  They love you no matter what, and comfort is key.  Wait a minute!  This blog ain't called Everyday Glamour for nothin'!!  Everyday Glamour Chicks, (E.G.C.'s), know that being comfortable and being chic are not mutually exclusive endeavours.  Plus, Thanksgiving is such a great photo op, why not make a little effort?  Forget about shopping, just take a little trip to your closet instead.  It's much more cost-effective. 

See what you already own.....

Outfit #1:  A pretty silk camisole, (or even that vintage silk short slipdress), a long, soft cardigan, leggings, and a pretty necklace.

Outfit #2:  A comfortable sweater dress, and leggings.

Outfit #3:  Your favorite jeans, and a fitted sweater over that pretty silk camisole.

Bonus:  When you go outside for the post-dinner, pre-nap walk outside, slip on your casual boots, (tall or shortie).

What outfit will you be wearing?